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  “You never have to be sorry for coming over here.” She laughed a little and squeezed my shoulder for good measure. “Are you kidding? Things haven’t been the same since you haven’t been around.”

  “Mom.” Cole’s voice held a hint of warning.

  “Wash up, Cole. You, too, Mace.” Mrs. Parker led me to the kitchen sink and handed me a bottle of hand soap while Cole and Macy marched to the bathroom just off the kitchen.

  “I can’t believe it, Jo.” Mrs. Parker said softly.

  “What do you mean,” I asked, not at all sure I wanted to know what she was talking about.

  “We’ve just missed you so much.” She paused, her gaze flitting to the bathroom where we could hear Cole teasing Macy as they both washed up for dinner. “Some of us more than others.” Her brow quirked significantly when her eyes found mine again.

  Guilt and regret burned through me as I considered her words, when I thought about all the dinners I’d missed out on the last three years. Maybe I’d been wrong to cut myself off from the only real family I’d ever known. Feeling confused, I turned away from her, only to come face to face with Cole.

  Cole. It always came back to Cole. Goodness, he was gorgeous.

  “Help me set the table?”

  Thankful for something to do, I nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

  Cole pulled open a cabinet door and began removing plates. I found the drawer filled with silverware and loaded up on the necessary utensils. We worked together to set out place settings for five. Heading back to the kitchen, I went to the cabinet to get a pitcher to fill with ice water for the table.

  “Wow. You still know where everything is,” Mrs. Parker remarked with wonder.

  Cole rolled his eyes and loaded his hands with glasses. “More amazing than her remembering is the fact you haven’t changed anything.”

  Trying to look offended, however unsuccessfully because she was smiling, Mrs. Parker lightly slapped Cole’s shoulder with a towel. “Hey, now.”

  Cole waggled his eyebrows at me and I knew he was teasing his mom. Mrs. Parker had a compulsion to rearrange her furniture all the time and in the past, Cole and I had been her labor source for shifting things around. Apparently, the need to rearrange didn’t translate to the kitchen cabinets. I grinned. Cole was a stinker.

  “Honey, I’m home,” a deep sing-song voice called out from the front room followed the slamming of the front door. Everyone in the room smiled, excited for husband and father Mr. Parker, to make an appearance.

  Derrick Parker was a large man, when he walked into the room, everyone knew it. It wasn’t just his size, though, that made him stand out, it was something else. Confidence. Power. Compassion. Through all the years dealing with my own father, I was forever thankful for Cole’s dad. As hard as it was sometimes to wonder why Cole had such a wonderful family while mine was so dysfunctional, I tried to remember to just be glad they welcomed me so easily.

  As kids, I remember Cole being so excited when his dad came home from work. Instead of running to hide, Cole would run to the door and throw his skinny arms around his dad’s tree trunk legs. Mr. Parker never failed to greet Cole with a smile. Soon, I was just as excited as Cole to see Mr. Parker come home and he had a smile for me just as easily as he did for Cole. I can’t tell you how many times he’d swung me up in his arms and tickled my neck with his five o’clock shadow until I had whisker burn on my skin. I still could remember the scent of his aftershave. Mr. Parker taught me that not all men were like my father. Not all men were like the ones my mother brought home from the bar or wherever else she found them.

  “Hon, looks who’s here for dinner,” Mrs. Parker said as she gave her husband a hug.

  And just like that, I was immediately engulfed in the warmest, safest hug I’d ever remembered.

  “Ah, Jo-Jo.” His voice broke as he said my name and tears sprang to my eyes. Why had I ever denied myself this? I’d missed this family so much!

  “Hi, Mr. Parker,” I whispered against his broad chest. He still smelled exactly as I remembered. He squeezed me tight for another moment, then pulled away, his eyes suspiciously damp.

  “Well, shoot, Nora. I think this calls for a party. Break out the pop!” Mr. Parker whirled away from me and I had to blink several times to clear the moisture from my eyes. Mr. Parker slapped Cole on the shoulder and placed a sweet kiss on Macy’s head.

  “You had a Dr. Pepper last night, Derrick,” Mrs. Parker admonished.

  “I know, but last night Jo-Jo wasn’t here.” Mr. Parker winked at me.

  Some things never changed. Mr. Parker was diabetic, and Mrs. Parker was a stickler for watching his diet. But Mr. Parker’s biggest weakness, other than Mrs. Parker, was Dr. Pepper. It was the reason I liked the drink so much myself.

  Relenting, Mrs. Parker sighed. “Okay, but just one.”

  Mr. Parker pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”

  “Dad, you are so embarrassing.” Macy shook her head, the love evident on her face a comical contrast to her words.

  “Embarrassing?” Mr. Parker grunted, stalking toward Macy like The Hulk.

  “Alright, alright. Just kidding.” Macy giggled, and Mr. Parker pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

  “Dinner’s ready!” Mrs. Parker set out the last dish on the table and everyone made their way to sit down.

  Without even thinking, I sat in my usual spot beside Cole. Mr. Parker sat beside me in his seat at the head of the table. Mrs. Parker was at the other end, beside Cole while Macy sat across from us. After a quick blessing on the food, everyone began talking at once, filling their plates from the delicious food laid out. A sense of peace and completeness settled over me. I’d forgotten what it could be like.

  Chapter 10

  Cole

  Throughout dinner, all I could think about was how close Joie’s seat was to mine. Suddenly, I didn’t fit in the chair I’d sat in all my life. Between dinner last night and dinner tonight, I’d grown too big for it, because all I could feel was Joie. Her arm brushing against mine. The warmth from her leg permeating the air under the table between us. Even her hair kept flying about, touching my shoulder. I wanted to push her chair away from me. I wanted to pull her into my lap. What was I going to do?

  I thought back to that summer, the summer I was dying to kiss Joie and make her my girlfriend. It felt a lot like this dinner. The awareness. The tension. Only back then, I think Joie felt it too. Now? Not so much. In fact, she looked cool as a cucumber, sitting beside me, crowding my space. Talking to my parents like she hadn’t been avoiding everything to do with us for the last three years.

  “So, Cole tells us you’ve written a play for the school,” my dad dangled the carrot, knowing Joie would want to talk about it.

  I felt her smile like a tangible thing.

  “Yeah, we started auditions tonight.” Joie took a bite of food and shifted her leg, again. Without thinking, I reached under the table and rested my hand on her knee, stilling her movements. She jerked her leg out of my grasp and turned her knees away from the middle of the table.

  Thank you.

  “How come Cole didn’t have to audition,” Macy asked.

  Joie squirmed uncomfortably. “Um, well, I wrote the part for him. I always knew he would get it as long as he agreed to do it.”

  Huh.

  Even though I already knew that, it was weird to hear her say it again. It was crazy to think she’d been taking the time to write a part for me in her play over the last however many months. Probably thinking about me and I didn’t even know it- I thought she never thought about me. Ever.

  “How do you know he’ll be any good,” my dad asked, winking at me.

  “Jeez, thanks, dad.”

  “You remember those camps we went to, right? Over the summer,” Joie asked.

  Uh-oh. Dang. Was she really going to bring that up? That was embarrassing. I kicked her leg under the table.

  Without otherwise acknowledging me, Joie swatted my shoulder.

&n
bsp; Fine.

  That’s how it was going to be.

  “Oh, yeah. I had forgotten about that,” Mom answered, ignoring the acts of violence taking place beside her at the table.

  I kicked Joie again. This time she turned to me, eyes blazing. Geez, she was beautiful. I wanted to rip her glasses off her face kiss her right there in front of my parents. Joie dead legged me in my thigh.

  I coughed to cover my surprise.

  That hurt.

  “Cole, knock it off at the dinner table.”

  “What about her, dad?” I know, right? What was this, sixth grade?

  “I didn’t see anything,” Macy smiled all innocently.

  “What about those camps, Jo-Jo,” dad asked, purposefully oblivious.

  “Yeah, Jo, what about those camps,” Macy asked. I contemplated killing my sister later, after she did the dishes.

  “Well, we always had to do these skits, you know?”

  Everyone nodded. I slunk down further in my chair, wishing I was wearing my baseball cap so I could pull it over my eyes. She was doing this. She was really doing this.

  “So, Cole was like the master. I would write them and then he would get all the players in place, so we could practice and then perform them. We were always the last ones to go on after the first time and they even started scheduling in extra times for us to perform because everyone loved them so much.”

  “Joie wrote some amazing stuff at those camps.” I wanted to get the focus off me. The only reason those skits were so popular was because Joie was so creative and wrote such hilarious stuff. It was easy to perform them. And fun.

  “They were alright, but Cole was a star. It was like instant celebrity status. He had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “Good grief, woman. I have a reputation to protect.” I was an athlete! Not some pussy actor.

  “See? He’s so dramatic.” Joie waved her hands in my direction.

  “Cole, if you are so embarrassed about these camp skits, why in the world did you agree to be in Joie’s play,” my mom asked.

  I felt all their eyes on me. How to answer? How to answer? I looked to my dad through the fingers still covering my face. His expression was one of sorrow and a trace of pity. He knew how crushed I’d been after Joie. I’m also sure he knew I was doing Joie’s play because of Joie. Just Joie.

  I didn’t have to worry, though, because Joie answered for me. “He owed me.”

  I snorted. I couldn’t help it. Mom glanced at me with a raised brow. I shrugged. “Sure. Let’s go with that.”

  Joie spun to face me. “What does that mean?”

  “It doesn’t mean anything. You done?” I gestured to her empty plate, feeling bad because the playful mood that had existed all through dinner had evaporated just like that.

  “Sure.” The mask was back on. Joie was a master at hiding her feelings, even from me. And the wall was sometimes so high I wondered why I even bothered. And I hadn’t bothered for a long time. In fact, I was just barely feeling human again after the last time she broke my heart. What was I doing with her here in my house, with my family? Letting her back in was a mistake. And that blank look on her face was a good reminder why.

  Standing, I took my plate and hers from the table to the sink in the kitchen. Flipping on the faucet, I rinsed and washed them. It was Macy’s night to wash pots and pans, but everyone was responsible for their own plates and utensils. I heard Joie thank mom for dinner before she came up behind me with our glasses.

  “I can help,” she offered. But I didn’t want her help.

  “I got it.” I took the glasses and washed them quickly, setting them in the drainer to dry.

  Once the dishes were done, I made my way to the front door. Of course, Joie followed me. Grabbing both of our bags, I headed up the stairs to my room. “Mom! We’ll be in my room doing homework.”

  “Ok, honey.”

  I glanced at Joie, daring her to contradict me. She didn’t. In my room, I tossed our bags on the floor and shut the door behind me. Joie stood awkwardly in the center of the room. Leaving the light off, I pulled the curtain away from my window. Her house was still lit up like a Christmas tree.

  “You gonna tell me what’s going on now?” I let the curtain drop and turned on the lamp on my desk. The room filled with the warm light as I faced her.

  “What are you talking about?” She picked up her bag and removed a thick textbook.

  “Really?”

  “You told your mom we were going to do homework.” She avoided my gaze, instead flipping open her Math book.

  No.

  I yanked the book from her grasp and tossed it on my bed. She was going to talk to me. “I know you hate me now, or whatever, but Jo, I can’t do this. I can’t not know that you are okay. What is going on? Why are you so scared?”

  “I’m fine, Cole.” It wasn’t the truth and we both knew it. “I don’t hate you.”

  I scoffed, shaking my head in disgust. “Right. That’s why you dropped me like a baby on its head three years ago. Because you don’t hate me.” And it hurt. Oh, man did it hurt. For weeks, months, I replayed everything that had happened between us, especially the last couple of months. We were happy. We were perfect. Except for her dad. Always, it was back to that guy. But when it was just us, just Joie and me? It was amazing. I couldn’t think what I had done to turn her away from me. I didn’t know why, and it was killing me. I thought I was okay, but seeing her, talking to her, eating dinner at my house! I wasn’t okay. I was dying. I was going to straight up die without her.

  Joie looked stricken.

  Good.

  In fact, what was I thinking? Why in the world would I want to open myself up to this girl? So, she could rip my heart out again? Yeah. No thanks.

  Raking my hands through my hair, I pulled until it hurt. I needed to remember the pain. But something was wrong. There was something awful going on at her house again. And it was bad enough she willingly accepted my help for the first time in forever. What did that mean?

  And so, I asked again. “What is going on with your mom, Jo?”

  Joie

  I couldn’t do it anymore. He was breaking my defenses. I collapsed to the floor. Cole was there in a split second, his arms around me before I even settled my full weight on the plush carpet.

  “Joie. Please. Just tell me so I can help you,” he murmured against my hair.

  Then that scrapbook started up again. That one with all the memories. But this one was complete with noise and smells and touch.

  Cole had been pestering me all morning. It was the first week of summer break and he wanted to go down to the creek and swim. I don’t love swimming, so I liked to wait until it was so hot I couldn’t stand it, then get in the freezing water. Cole doesn’t get this thought process. He was always hot, and swimming was his favorite. He wanted to go every day, all day.

  Gosh, he smelled good. Inhaling deeply, I hoped he would think I was just irritated with him and taking a deep breath to deal with my frustration. I wasn’t. I wanted to just inhale Cole all day. He smelled amazing. Laying in the grass beside me with just his swim trunks on, it was all I could do to not jump him then and there. But we weren’t like that, were we? We were just friends. Best friends, but that was it, right?

  Sometimes I wondered. Sometimes Cole would get this look on his face and I recognized it. It was the look I knew I got sometimes when I looked at him, right before I had to talk myself out of jumping him. I’ve really been working on hiding that face lately. Especially since skinny Cole started turning into ripped Cole. Those hours at open gym were worth the separation from him.

  I had two more pages and it was a good thing. Cole’s friends, Mason and Brent, had been here earlier while I was changing into my suit and wanted Cole to go play ball, but he’d decided to hang out with me. I felt bad about him missing out on his other friends, but I was just selfish enough to want him to myself. I wondered how much longer Cole would want to
be my best friend. He’d been the star of our middle school football and basketball teams. His natural grace and athleticism really shined this last year. I knew he was excited for our freshman year and the opportunity to play in high school.

  It made my heart hurt. As much as I knew Cole loved me, I didn’t think things would be the same next year. Cole was destined to be a superstar. He laughed it off when I told him what I thought, but I knew he would soon be the most popular guy in school. Soon, he would have girls following him everywhere he went. In fact, it had already started last year.

  I, on the other hand, was not destined for popularity. I’d just gotten contacts, but the girl with the thick glasses was still in here. I was shy, and I didn’t like to dress to gain attention. I was fine with a t-shirt, jeans, and Chucks. I didn’t need heels and mini-skirts and plunging necklines. But I did need Cole. I was beginning to realize, though, he didn’t need me. I was forever riding his coattails. He didn’t mind. And truly, I didn’t either. But how long could that last?

  I snapped my book closed and before I knew it Cole and I were on our way to the creek. Cole rode his bike with a bag slung across his chest, filled with water and snacks. The wind felt good against my sweaty skin and I could almost imagine this was how things would always be.

  “Race ya,” Cole shouted over his shoulder, his mouth curved in a huge grin.

  “You can’t beat me, Parker!” I pedaled faster, knowing there was no way I could ever beat Cole in any kind of physical contest, but it was fun to try.

  Cole didn’t even pause when we got to the creek, just launched himself off his bike and into the water, barely remembering in time to remove the bag with our snacks.

  “Wahoo! Jo, it’s so cold. It feels amazing.”

  I giggled watching him splash and play in the water. I followed at a more cautious pace. I wasn’t one to jump into freezing water. I liked, well actually hated, to dip my body in one inch at a time. Making my way to the edge of the creek, I pulled off the jean shorts I’d been wearing over my suit. I really liked my suit. If there was one thing my parents did right, it was make sure I had all the clothes and things I could ever want. Mom had taken me last week to pick out a new swimsuit since mine from last year was too small and threadbare. This one was a pretty aqua color with bikini bottoms and a halter top that stopped just above my belly button. I felt super self-conscious in it since it was my first two-piece, but I knew it looked good.