Save Me Read online

  “Please. I need this. I have to have it to get out-” I bit my lip to keep from saying more, but it was too late. Cole’s gaze snapped to mine.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing. I mean, this play- it’s part of my audition for school. So, I can go to USC in the fall.” Hopefully that would be enough.

  “No. That’s not what I was asking.” His eyes flicked to the window, his jaw hardening once more. “Jo-”

  “Everything is fine, Cole.” I didn’t need his pity. I didn’t need him to save me. Well, I did, just not the way he was thinking.

  I tried not to squirm under the intensity of his gaze and prayed he couldn’t see what laid beneath.

  For a long moment, he stared out the window. I wished I knew what he was thinking. I wished I didn’t know what he was thinking. I wondered if he’d forgotten. I wished I could. Finally, he relented. His shoulders drooped, a gasp of air escaping his lips as he raked his fingers through his hair. “Okay, I’ll do it-”

  “Oh, thank you, thank you!” Before I knew what was happening, I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you.”

  Cole

  Shocked, I did the only thing I could do, I fought my way out of the surprised stupor her impetuous hug inflicted and let my arms snake around her waist. I didn’t know how long it would be before she realized what she had done and pulled away from me. I wasn’t about to squander this opportunity.

  Instinctively, I inhaled. She still smelled the same, like coconut. Memories assaulted me, flashing before my eyes like those old-time cartoons, one page at a time. Memories from before she pushed me away. Swimming in a plastic pool in my backyard. Reading Harry Potter by flashlight during sleepovers when we were supposed to be sleeping. Holding her close when she cried, before I even understood what was wrong. Tickle fights near the end when things would slow, sticky like syrup, until I finally worked up the courage to kiss her.

  “I’m sorry,” she blurted, pushing away from me.

  Right.

  That wasn’t us anymore.

  Now we were nothing. Not friends. Not together. Barely neighbors. With a sigh, I backed away from her and ran my hand through my hair. I wanted to pull it out. I wanted to make her talk to me. But I knew from painful experience, Joie wouldn’t tell me anything she wasn’t ready to tell me. I picked up my Calculus book and paper and pencil. She needed to leave.

  She fidgeted with her hands, a sure sign she was nervous. Not my fault. She shouldn’t have hugged me like that. It wasn’t fair.

  “I should go.” She stepped toward the door, her hand reaching for the knob. “You’ll really do it? You won’t back out?”

  “I’ll do it,” I replied, not taking my eyes off the page in front of me I couldn’t even see, not understanding why I was agreeing. I only knew, even now, I would do anything for her. She nodded, the movement visible out of the corner of my eye.

  “Thank you.”

  And then she was gone.

  Chapter 3

  Joie

  Heart pounding, I made my way back across the street to my house, wondering what possessed me to hug him like that. Stupid! Opening the front door, I was struck by the stark contrast between the Parker’s home, filled with warmth and comfort, and mine, filled with- darkness and pain. The old ache threatened to take root, reaffirming my theory about spending time anywhere but here, especially there. Nothing good came from exposing myself to something more and then coming home and having to deal with less. For the last three years, since I’d cut myself off from Cole completely, reality had been in my face, school my only reprieve.

  It’s been good for me. Kept me grounded. Affirming the knowledge that the only one who could save me was myself. Hoping for Cole to swoop in and rescue me? Well, it was too much pressure for him, too much disappointment for me. Things were better this way.

  I turned the knob on the front door, closing it soundlessly. Tiptoeing past the creaks in the floor, I made my way into the kitchen, pushing away the memory of the tangy scent of spaghetti that lingered in the Parker’s home from their dinner and opening a cupboard. A tube of crackers would serve as my meal. Glad I didn’t have to maneuver up squeaky stairs in our one-story ranch style house, I made my way to my bedroom. Closing the door, careful to turn the knob so the latch wouldn’t click, I threw the deadbolt and breathed a sigh of relief, knowing I’d be safe- at least for tonight.

  The next morning, I reversed my tiptoe dance. I hadn’t heard my mom moving around the house. Big surprise. And had absolutely no desire to wake her, or anyone else that might be in her room with her, before I had to leave for school. Mornings were a little like Russian roulette- some mornings they included strange men creeping from the room on the other side of the house where my mom slept, and sometimes they didn’t. On good mornings, I ate a bowl of cereal out of a plastic bowl because the spoon clanked too loudly on the ceramic ones. Bad mornings, I settled for a Pop-tart from the stash under my bed and sneaking out my bedroom window. I always made sure to never leave anything I would need in any other part of the house.

  It wasn’t that my mom was a bad person or even that she didn’t love me. I knew she did. She was just needy. She needed a bottle of wine. She needed a carton of cigarettes. She needed the time away from work. She needed to party at the karaoke bar with her friends. But the thing she needed most- a man. And since my father passed away, there had been a steady stream of them. Most lasted one night. A few made it through the weekend. One or two had hung around as long as a month.

  Whatever. After the first couple mornings waking to strange men in our house, I went to the hardware store and bought a new door for my bedroom and had it delivered, not some flimsy thing that could be kicked in easily, but a heavy duty one that would otherwise serve as an exterior door. It had taken some work and a couple of YouTube videos to get it installed correctly, but it was worth the peace of mind. I kept it locked at all times, even when I wasn’t home.

  Checking the clock, I grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet before turning to head out the door.

  “Aaahh!” I jumped half out of my skin, pressing a fist to my thumping heart.

  The man blocking my path out of the kitchen smiled. He was younger than they usually were and half-way good-looking for an older guy. He wore a pair of jeans, still unbuttoned and a white wife-beater. Tattoos snaked up his arms and over his shoulders and he held an unlit cigarette between his fingers. “Good morning. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Uh, good morning. You didn’t.” Of course, he did. And he knew it because I screamed like a little girl. His smile widened.

  This was the tricky part. I knew my mom was still in her bed, sleeping off the effects of too much alcohol and whatever else she’d put in her system last night- she would be no help if Mr. Tattoo Guy decided to get handsy. I’d played this game before.

  “Can I get you a granola bar?” I grabbed one from the cupboard and held it out to him, inviting him further into the kitchen.

  “Yeah, I’ll take one.” He stepped toward me, leaving the entryway into the kitchen unmanned. Obviously, this guy was a rookie.

  With a polite smile, I let him take the bar and skirted around him at the same time. “Have a nice day,” I called over my shoulder, hurrying out of the kitchen until I reached the front door, praying he was too hungover to chase after me. Not bothering to close the door softly, I got out of there as quickly as I could.

  My bike rested against the side of the house. I grasped the handle bars and walked it around to the front. The bike had been my biggest splurge since I started working. Every other penny I earned, I saved for my escape.

  “Hey!”

  “Aaahh!” I screamed for the second time that morning. “Cole!” He’d pulled his car in front of my house. Of course, we crossed paths on our street, but I was always sure to avoid eye contact. And usually Cole did, too.

  “Jeez, jumpy much,” he called out the open driver’s side window, his expression guarded.
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  A somewhat hysterical giggle escaped my lips and I gripped the handle bars to hide my trembling hands. Cole eyed them, frowning. A quick glance at my house had his brows dipping. I swung my leg over the bike.

  “Need a ride,” he asked.

  “No.” I couldn’t believe this was happening already. One conversation. One favor. Now he thought we were friends again. We weren’t. And I didn’t need Cole to save me.

  “You sure?”

  I stopped and pinned him with a glare. “We are not doing this.”

  He shrugged, his expression innocent. I knew better. “Doing what?”

  “This!” I circled my finger in the air between us.

  Cole scoffed. “I can’t offer my neighbor a ride to school now?”

  “No, you can’t.” It was silly, but I began pedaling my bike down the street. Cole followed at a snail’s pace in his car.

  “It’s silly. We’re going to the same place.”

  Keeping my eyes forward, I did my level best to ignore him. I’d been doing it for years now, I’ve mastered the art.

  “So, you can ask me to star in your play, spend hours practicing, learning lines and performing, but I can’t offer you a ride to school?”

  I pedaled faster. Nothing had changed. He would star in my play, but things were going to stay the same.

  Cole snorted. “Are you serious, Jo?”

  What did he think? One conversation. One calling in of a favor and what? Things would go back to how they were? Not. Going. To. Happen. I’d worked too hard. Sacrificed too much. I couldn’t lose focus now. Being around Cole messed with my head. Made me feel safe. Made me drop my guard. I couldn’t afford to let that happen. Not yet. Not until I was gone.

  “Unbelievable!” I felt more than I saw Cole’s face distort in anger, just before he slammed on the gas and laid rubber in his hurry to get away from me.

  Good. At least we’d gotten that out of the way.

  Later at school, during my lunch hour, I met with Mrs. Lewis and explained about Cole. As surprised as she’d been, she recovered quickly and for the first time since I’d approached her about my play, she seemed excited. That was the kind of power Cole had at our school.

  We worked out dates for auditions and set a tentative schedule for rehearsals and looked at likely weekends for a spring production. Basketball would be finished in two weeks if Cambridge made it to State, and they would with Cole leading the team. He was a star both on the football field and the basketball court. I’d heard he received offers for both sports but would only be playing football on full scholarship. It wasn’t a surprise. Football had always been his passion.

  Even so, there was plenty to do before basketball was finished for the season and rehearsals could begin. Sets. Auditions. Costumes. Finalizing the script. First, I would need to prepare flyers advertising the dates for auditions and promoting Cole’s role as Calvin, the male lead. We would hold auditions in two weeks over three evenings and hopefully, Cole would be able to show up for at least one. I probably should have asked him, but after throwing myself at him in his room yesterday, and the awkward encounter in front of my house this morning, I knew I had to keep my distance. There was no reason to open that door any further. There was no place in my life for Cole- other than as the star of my play.

  “Joie! Wait up.”

  Turning, I spotted my friend and fellow nerd, Eric Hayes, running toward me.

  “Hey, Eric. What’s up?” I loved Eric, I really did. He’d been a good friend for a long time, but lately things were becoming awkward.

  “Not much. Can I walk you to class?”

  See what I mean? Shrugging, I continued to the choir room, knowing he would follow.

  “How are things moving with your play?”

  Unable to sit on the news any longer, I blurted, “I got Cole.”

  Eric stopped in his tracks. “What? When did that happen?”

  Grinning and giddy, I stopped a few feet ahead and faced him. “Yesterday.”

  “Wow.” He seemed genuinely surprised. “I know you said you were going to try to get him. I just didn’t think he’d go for it.”

  Eric had no idea about my past with Cole. The friendship with my hot, popular neighbor dated pre-hot/popular Cole. If anyone at school had been aware of how close we used to be, they’d long since forgotten.

  “It’s no big deal. I asked and he agreed.” Of course, that was a big, fat lie (sort of) but I tried to play it cool.

  Blinking, Eric shook his head, disbelieving. “No big deal? This is Cole Parker we’re talking about. It doesn’t get any bigger than Cole Parker.” Eric looked stunned. But then, he grinned. “You got Cole freaking Parker, Jo!” He held up his hand for a high five. “You did it!”

  Laughing, I smacked my palm against his, gently disentangling my fingers when he tried to lace them with his. “I did it. It’s happening. Now that I have Mrs. Lewis and Cole, nothing can stop me.”

  Still grinning, Eric slung his arm across my shoulders and began walking toward the choir room once more. “We have to celebrate. Let’s go out tonight. There’s that indie movie playing at the Rialto.”

  I hesitated. A month ago, I would have been all over it. Hanging out with Eric was always fun. We had a lot in common. But recently, I found our time together leaving me with a weight in the pit of my stomach. Still, it was Friday night and the only other thing to do in this town was watch the high school basketball team or stay home and binge Netflix. And there was no way I was going to the game.

  “I don’t know-”

  “Oh, come on. You know you’ve been wanting to see that movie,” Eric pleaded, grabbing my hand to keep me from going into the choir room.

  For a second, I let my gaze wander over his features, mining my feelings, wondering what was wrong with me. Eric wasn’t ugly. He was a nerd for certain. Even now, he wore a Bobo Fett t-shirt. However, his face was pleasant, not model worthy- like Cole, my traitorous thoughts whispered, but pleasant. Eric spent most his time hunched over his computer keyboard and it showed in the curve of his back, the curl of his shoulders. Maybe I could encourage him to start lifting weights. His tall, skinny frame could use some muscle.

  Eric smiled, and I realized I’d been looking too long. I should just stay home and watch Netflix.

  “Let’s go, you need to get out and do something fun for a change.” Eric reached for my hand. He was close enough the smell of the body wash he used every day tickled my senses. It was pleasant.

  “Yeah, okay. Let’s go. It’ll be fun.” I forced a smile, already regretting the decision. But Eric was pretty much my only friend these days and he was right, I did need to get out and do something fun.

  His face split with a relieved grin. “Awesome. I’ll see you after school.”

  The weight in my stomach plummeted as I watched Eric saunter down the hall toward the science wing and I wondered just how selfish I could be. I knew Eric’s feelings had changed recently, or maybe they’d always been more romantic than I was willing to admit, and he was just now confident enough to do something about it. It was too bad. Eric was just about the only friend I had. I didn’t want to lose him.

  I didn’t see Cole until after fifth period. This was one time during the school day I was almost guaranteed to run into him. My physics class was directly across the hall from his Calculus class. Sometimes I waited until my class was empty before walking out into the hall, but even then, avoiding him wasn’t a sure thing. What was a sure thing? Mostly, anyway- both of us avoiding eye contact.

  But not today. Today, I felt his gaze follow me from the moment I exited the classroom until I turned the corner toward my locker. I started to hyperventilate. What made me think Cole acting in my play was a good idea? I couldn’t even walk down the hall with his eyes on me, let alone talk to him, without losing my composure.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Ah!” What was with people jumping out at me today! “Jeez, Eric!” I smacked his shoulder.

  Hi
s eyes widened, a grin tugging at his lips. “Why so jumpy?”

  I grabbed my math book out of my locker after tossing in physics. “Why do people keep asking me that?” I slammed my locker shut, feeling all irrational.

  “What are you talking about?” Eric fell into step beside me as I stalked down the hall, this time I braced myself for another Cole sighting. Running into him now wasn’t quite as likely, but I didn’t want to be caught unaware. I nudged my shoulder behind Eric’s as we made our way through the crowded hall, his body half blocking me from view.

  Eric glanced down, brows furrowed. “Seriously, what is going on with you?”

  “Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shifted my hair in front of my shoulder until it fell like a curtain over half my face. It was stupid. Cole would know it was me either way. I guess I wanted to keep myself from seeing him more than I wanted to keep him from seeing me.

  “O-kay,” Eric dragged the syllables out and rolled his eyes from behind his glasses. I stared at his shoulder. It was a nice shoulder, not straight and buff, but still big enough to hide behind. “You are being really weird.”

  Just a few yards more and I would be to my next class, the last class of the day. Suddenly, my refuge didn’t feel like the haven it had been. Why did Cole have to get all dumb? Why couldn’t I talk to him without having to worry about him thinking things would go back to how they were between us? Because they weren’t. And now I had a sinking feeling I was going to have to turn up the wench factor like before when he would show up at my house or wait for me at my locker, trying to find out why I wasn’t talking to him anymore. I wasn’t sure I could handle him begging me for explanations again. It was easier to just let him hate me.

  “I’m not being weird,” I insisted.

  Eric quirked a brow. “Oh, really. Then why are you hiding behind me?”

  I forced a bright smile to my lips. “Heavy traffic.” I gestured to the press of bodies around us.